I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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