So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
