I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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