But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
