You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
