We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
