u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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