My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
