Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
