You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
