just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
