Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
