I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
