Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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