Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
