Tell her she can't have a vagina
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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