At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
