Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
