David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
