if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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