You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
