thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
