people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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