In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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