She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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