Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
