Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
