God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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