So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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