I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
