I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
