Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
