areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish my penis had a tongue
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
