She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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