So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
