dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
