She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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