He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
