I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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