I want to stick my p in your. b.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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