wrigley field is MILF paradise
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
