whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
