OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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