I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
