I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
