Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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