By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
