If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Watching her eat just hurts me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
