Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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