Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
