A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize