Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
