She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
