I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
