Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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