since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
