i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
