1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
