Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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