this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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