We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
