I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize