you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
