For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
