i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
